The Album That Won't Die
Celebrating the 100th Anniversary of Dark Side of the Moon
from The Times, March 22, 2073
The 20th Century isn't remembered for producing much of consequence, and with good reason. Culturally and socially, Western society seems to have reached an all-time low ebb during much of that period.
But the 20th Century did manage to produce its share of memorable relics: the timeless art of Picasso; the music of Celine Dion, which is responsible for bringing Canadian culture to a position of dominance on the worldwide political stage; and the Matrixist religious sect, renowned for its clarity of philosophy and its snazzy black leather clerical robes.
 Sorry! The cover of the new 100th anniversary edition of Dark Side of the Moon uses technology that is far to advanced for your pathetically primitive computer. |
Another of the era's most persistent products is Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon, which celebrates its 100th birthday this month. Record conglomerate EMI/ClearChannel/TimeWarnerAOL/Microsoft mark the milestone with the release of the Special Commemorative Collector's Edition 100th Anniversary release of Dark Side. This release features an all-new mix of the same old 100-year-old recordings that promises surpass the original LP mix, the 20th anniversary CD mix, the 30th anniversary SACD mix, and even the 50th anniversary ZR-1000 mix (which featured a tri-color blinking LED that synched to the heartbeat of the nearest listener, and was pulled from the market when it was found to interfere with the function of artificial pacemakers at a range of up to 300 yards). And a poster.
Pink Floyd began as a psychedelic entertainment troupe for a bunch of middle-class British college kids who were experimenting with drugs, irresponsible sex, and expensive ways of wasting their parents' money. The group languished in obscurity and was nearly defunct when, in 1973, they released Dark Side of the Moon, the album which propelled them to stardom and, as keyboardist Rick Wright would later claim on his deathbed, "ruined the rest of our lives".
The band continued to record, releasing a number of albums all-but-forgotten to even the most pathetic, lonely music historians. Lyricist Roger Waters left the group some 10 years after Dark Side's release, and though Pink Floyd continued under the leadership of guitarist David Gilmour, they couldn't muster another success on the order of what they had achieved so much earlier.
The group seemed finished for sure when, in 2008, David Gilmour announced that the group was breaking up for good. But Wright and drummer Nick Mason took exception to this announcement, which had apparently been made without consulting them. They announced in 2009 that they were reforming the group without Gilmour, and would be embarking on a new album and tour.
Although Gilmour made no move to stop them, Mason and Wright made a number of public statements that "it will be a cold day in hell when Dave Gilmour can keep us from performing under the name of the band that we started while he was back in Cambridge playing for weddings and bar mitzvahs." They even released a hastily-recorded single, entitled "Piss Off You Crazy Diamond", that was clearly an attack on Gilmour: "We're Pink and we know it/And we're going to show it/So why don't you piss off/And leave us the f-ck alone".
"Piss Off" went nowhere, however, and while the duo did manage to book a number of tour dates with the Miller Lite Classic Rock "Parade of Stars" tour (on which they shared billing with Journey, Hall and Oates, and the surviving members of Grank Funk Railroad), the reborn Pink Floyd failed to produce the promised new album. After a scant 18 months, Mason and Wright called it quits.
Mason's untimely death in a freak racing accident in France in late 2012 did spark rumors that the band would reform with the erstwhile Waters at the helm. Gilmour and Wright had reportedly signed on, but after a fall at home led to emergency hip replacement surgery for Wright, the reunion was scrapped.
Wright lingered in seclusion for several years before succumbing to pneumonia at his home. Waters himself suffered a massive, debilitating stroke in 2018, but before he lapsed into unconsciousness for the last time, he made his children swear a solemn oath that they would keep him alive on life support "for as long as it takes... just as long as I don't die before that bastard Gilmour." Gilmour died peacefully in his sleep in the winter of 2039, just 3 weeks before his 93rd birthday. And true to their father's wishes, Harry and India Waters kept Roger Waters' body alive for years thereafter, until the royalty checks stopped coming in and they were forced to pull the plug or face financial ruin.
And so it goes. Even the most heralded rock stars pass on into infinity--but their recordings go on living. In 2023, pirate copies of the Dark Side 50th anniversary edition were downloaded by a record number of fans, resulting in massive financial losses for the recording industry, which had long since ceased producing new music in favor of re-releasing old recordings on an ever-increasing number of new formats and technologies. 2046 saw the long-awaited release of the all-star rap tribute, Def Side of tha Moon, which had been blocked for many years by Gilmour's 17 children, all of whom were lawyers. The 75th anniversary release of Dark Side was another landmark event, and with the advent of commercial time travel coming just six years later, it was actually released two weeks before the 50th anniversary release.
This new 100th anniversary edition is truly a treat for the senses, a fitting reminder of what a momentous accomplishment the original was. So dim the lights, insert the titanium cube into your rectum, and try to imagine that you are back in a time when record companies didn't insert subliminal messages into the subsonic channels of the recordings.