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Re: horny nude Roger Waters webcam upskirts!

Subject: URGENT!

Hello. My name is Mpublius Mpompeii. My father, Chief Eugene Mpompeii, was being the chairman of a large music company in Nigeria. This is information for which I am asking to be confidential. Owing to my father connections, I have in my possession the information leading to the possibility of obtaining more than 15 MILLION PINK FLOYD ALBUMS. These albums were deposited in a central bank in my country. I need the help of you, a trusted confidant, to be obtaining of the access to them. Listen. Communicate. Send me your bank routing information and Social Security number. Read. Think.

On the thought of the second, please be scratching that last one.

I am being unable to make widthdrawal of these albums, because my father, who was a personal friend of Mr. David Jon Gilmore and has had copies of a great many unreleased concert recordings of which you have never heard, is the registered beneficiary of this collection. The documents of deposit are with me, and the color of them is green. If you would being so kind, assist me to get the collection withdrawn by providing you with a new company in your name (It's Being of A Gas Enterprises, Inc., LLC) and then be transferring the 15 MILLION PINK FLOYD ALBUMS into your possession. I would only be asking to keep 10% of the 15 MILLION, if it pleases. There is no risk in this transaction, unless you are to be counting the slight possibility that I might defraud you and steal everything you own. But we are to be friends, and of course the friends would never be doing such things.

If you are interested and can maintain the confidentiality of which I require, please e-mail me at mpublius@livenuderogerwaters.com. I am currently staying in Pkak Kneesh, as a refugee with my son, Menigma Mpublius, who speaks very good the English with me, for practice. Listen. Communicate. Read. Think.

Also, please be for sending me the nude pix of Brittney Spears.

Rog bless!

Mpompeii Mpublius

• • •

Subject: Incr3as3 your Floid!

Are you tired of always being the last one on your block to get the latest Pink Floyd releases? Do women see the size of your (ahem) collection and laugh? Do others mock your failure to obtain the SuperDeluxe Omega 31st Anniversary Dark Side of the Moon remaster (with special stickers)? As they should! You should be ashamed of yourself! Nick Mason has servants to feed, you greedy bastard.

Have no fear, Floydiacs! The Pink Floyd Subscription Service is here! Now you can have all the latest re-re-re-releases delivered straight to your door, or perhaps the door of your neighbor if you're not in. Occasionally, we deliver it to the home of a little old lady in Omaha, because we like to keep you on your toes. But for the most part, it'll show up right on your doorstep. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

But you may be asking yourself, what possible use could I have for such a service, which undoubtedly charges a considerable premium (and you would be right about that), when I could just as easily saunter down to the local Tower Records and purchase the CDs myself for considerably reduced prices? Good question, and not one we will be answering right now. Anyway, who saunters anymore? Isn't it more of a shimmy?

Regardless, just look at the releases subscribers of this service have already received:

The Final Cut: The Totally Unnecessary Edition: Now we've added 15 seconds of Bob Geldof mumbling taken directly from the soundtrack of The Wall film and integrated it randomly into the songs, to interrupt the flow even more! Just as it was originally intended! But not really!

When the Tigers Broke Free on the Dark Side of the Moon: It's the only real outtake that the band will admit to having, so we've added it everywhere we can think of. Placed awkwardly between "Time" and "Great Gig in the Sky," "When the Tigers Broke Free" gives this classic album 50% more pretension!

When the Tigers Broke Free: The Album! Golly, Pink Floyd shure do love this here song, and so should you! Because it's all you're getting! This disc features the same song, fourteen times over. Hear about Roger's dead dad so many times that you'll be swallowing handfuls of pills before the CD ends, guaranteed!

When the Tigers Broke Free: The Remixes: This double-disc edition expands When the Tigers Broke Free: The Album well past the breaking point. Featuring two dozen remixes by the genius that brought you the Potzdamer Mix of "Run Like Hell." Just in case your suicide attempt was unsuccessful.

Ummagumma: The 60th Anniversary Edition: Sent from the future, now you can hear the Floyd's worst studio work ever in special SuperDuper Compact MicroDisc format, which hasn't even been invented yet!

Wish You Were Here: The Expensive Edition Edition: Exactly the same as every other release, only now it costs more! Buy it again for the first time! Again!

Yes, all that and more could be yours, for the exorbitant price of however much you have left on your credit card. It's just that simple! No more worry! No more fiscal discipline! Just more Floyd than you can shake an axe at!

What are you waiting for, you pansy? Sign your ass up here, and start your subscription today:

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• • •

Subject: Drop 50 Pounds!

Tired of being overweight? Now you can lose those pesky pounds, the David Gilmour way!

It's simple! First, just become a filthy rich rock star, then hire a personal chef, a trainer, and buy enough exercise equipment to fill a Bally's. Then get liposuction! It's just that easy!

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Patrick Keller is a staff writer for Spare Bricks, and he wants to help U make it >l o n g e r< with V1A`gR@.


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